Faliraki Feminism

You're all wankers, you're all shit
You can't even find our clit
With a knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone
You're all shit
Now fuck off home

Anonymous English women, chanting – Faliraki 2006.

As far as statements of feminist intent go, it's unlikely that the above example is ever going to make it into a notional collection of 'Top Hundred Best Feminist Sayings Ever'. Aggressively sexualised and emotionally stunted modes of expression were, after all, just some of the things that the sisters were doing their level best to move away from. Clearly the girls of Faliraki, hadn't read the bits about needing to break free from the dominant patriarchal paradigm and its fundamental corruption of of human relationships, leading to the subjection of women and the rise of the violent society. Which is a shame, given the amount of time and effort spent worrying about such things, but there you have it. What with having lots of babies, drinking heavily at the weekend, and suffering domestic abuse at the hands of one's partners, many modern women just don't see the point of feminism any more.

On the other hand, it's hard to resist the notion that our Faliraki cheerleaders above do seem to have a point, and a rather succintly made one at that. Consider the terms in context. The girls' chant was directed at a group of drunken, aggressive, gormless-looking young men, sporting the lobster-pink suntan that tells the whole world: 'British and Proud of It'. Confronted with such types, the overwhelming temptation is to abandon any attempt at empathetic social explanation and simply call a wanker a wanker, before moving quickly on. If we accept this, we can see that the next line: 'You're all shit' is there simply for emphasis, and to provide a neat rhyming link to the next big point: 'You can't even find our clit'.

The notion that large numbers of men are at a loss to capably describe, find – let alone push – the right female buttons, is one of the few aspects of feminist theory that seems to have stuck in the popular imagination. Surely, most civilised people now understand that ignorning and mis-understanding female sexual needs, is something best left to gay men (who have an excuse) or the most brutish type of penis-obsessed wife-beaters? With female orgasms having gone public sometime between the Kinsey Report and Lady Chatterley's Lover, it wasn't long before the more discerning gentleman was asking himself how it was that such fuss and bother came to be. Alas, sex education at school is limited to the use of unhelpful words and concepts, in an arena where practical, hands-on experience counts for a lot. And thus, most boys leave school having heard the word 'clitoris' vaguely, maybe, perhaps linked to the notion of 'orgasm', in some smutty way or other. And so they fumble on, with varying degrees of success. It would all be so much easier for men if everyone in the world just had a nice big cock to wave around.

However it is, it's clear (according to the heavier women's magazines) that sex is what women have too, and men need to shape up. Whether or not vast swathes of male society are concerned, or even aware, of such developments is another matter entirely. If only they'd read Cosmopolitan more often.

Back to our Faliraki verse, we can see that the song has now made it's key points, and aside from rhythmic padding, has only one final suggestion to make (see last line). I suppose we should be passingly glad, that it contains trace elements of feminist thought although it is, in fact, more closely related to the less hopeful, man-hating approach of radical feminism.

But a hundred years ago, I can't imagine it was usual for any woman to make such forward suggestions to men (at least not publicy), let alone have the temerity to go around mentioning this thing 'clitoris', whatever that is. So we have moved on a bit.

Quite remote from what the feminists had in mind, the Faliraki chant owes more to empty notions of 'Girl Power', than it does to feminism, and is fact simply another product of a society stage-managed by men, in order to allow women in on the game of consumer equality, and thus make more money. But then I suppose vomiting and fighting in the street on a Saturday night alongside the lads, brings its own kind of equality too.