Absinthe & Madness

My wife went to Prague last year and returned with a bottle of ‘the green fairy’, for my instruction and edification. It was the real Czech gear, weighing in at a whopping great 70% alcohol by volume. One starts to feel dangerously drunk after only a couple of shots. ‘But does it make you hallucinate?’, they said through gritted teeth. Probably not this particular stuff, as it contains only a small quantity of the necessary psychoactive, thujone. Not legal in the UK (spoilsports), this is the very stuff that made Van Gogh go nutzoid and cut his ears off. Sounds like fun. The real mental juice is however available from ye internet, but it costs about a hundred quid, or something.

On a related note, even stronger spirits are also freely available in Poland. Bottles of the appetisingly named ‘Rectified Polish Spirit’ are readily available from any half-decent supermarket, and come in two distinct flavours: 70% and 90%. Whilst on a family holiday in Poland last year, my brother-in-law - a well-qualified medical doctor, scientist and gentleman - noted that, in his experience, 70% alcohol was most often employed in the cleaning of dead bodies. Expressing concern and astonishment that such material was being touted for public consumption, he then went on to observe that 90% alcohol would, upon contact with flesh, immediately kill all the beneficent bacteria contained in the drinker’s mouth, rendering them subject to any passing infection. Furthermore, it would then burn a path straight down to the stomach, where it would set about the intestinal flora considered necessary for healthy life. He predicted that it could then attack your central nervous system, causing you to lose your eyesight amongst other things.

None of which stopped me finishing the bottle off within the fortnight. Goodnight sweet fairy...